We Are The Weirdos, Mister!

We Are The Weirdos, Mister.

I wasn’t just born gay. I was born different. Growing up, I was either the center of attention, or I was being completely shunned for my outlandish behavior. 

Looking back at the other gay men whom I grew up with that later “came out”,  I simply wasn’t your typical gay kid. All the other gay kids that I grew up with liked the Bionic Woman better than the Six Million Dollar Man. However, unlike all the other gay boys, I didn’t fantasize about marrying the Six Million Dollar Man. I knew that I was going to marry David Bowie.
Yep. I was the strange one.
While all the other boys in the 6th grade were pirates, and jail birds, and transformers for Halloween.. I was Boy George.
At 12, I had already figured out that Siouxsie Sioux was the true Goddess-not Madonna.
At 13, I strayed down the Gothic path, long before there was ever a Marilyn Manson or a store called Hot Topic.
By 15, I was carrying around Sylvia Plath’s, The Bell Jar & Ariel poems like they were religious textbooks.
Yep. That was me. Freak. Fag. Sensitive soul. Dark heart. However you chose to label me.
 And those were simply references to my style and and personal interests.
On a clinical level…I simply am not your average gay!
I’m hyper. Easily excitable. Like a big puppy that slobbers and pisses himself when he meets a stranger he likes. I can be loud. Sometimes confrontative. I cry when reading a sad novel or watching tragic cinema. I’m extremely emotional. Impulsive. Passionate. Loyal. Erratic. Intense…..
ALL OF IT!
An ex-boyfriend once told me, “You’re too much candy for a dime!”
I SURE AM!
And, I used to be so hard on myself when I’d see disappointment in a stranger’s face, because I wasn’t the cool, calm, collect Nick that they envisioned me to be. Maybe that’s the fantasy man they built from the image they saw in the videos.
Sorry. I aint that guy! I will never be relaxed, easy going, and “under the radar”.
Maybe you get what I’m saying. Maybe you can relate.
So, how did I reconcile some of this?
Here is the first thing that I did to really help me become comfortable in my skin:
I stopped hanging out and assuming friendships with gay men because they were aesthetically pleasing. I now befriend any guy that I have common interests with. Most of whom are very artistic, sensitive, self assured, amazing souls.
We share a common thread in the fact that we are different. How refreshing that was to establish that kind of bond. Finally!
The second thing I did:
I quit focusing on trying to be the one who rebels agains the “cool” gay guys. It’s just a really immature place to come from. Yes, I can sometimes revert and be snarky, but I am much more concerned with rallying the gay guys out there that are like myself. Cuz let’s face it…there are plenty of us out there! Maybe not exactly like me. But, just like me!
The third thing I did:
I got brutally honest. Honest about my pain, honest about my dreams, about my pitfalls. The more authentic I become with you, the less I need to hide. That is freedom! Every time I share my self discoveries with another gay man, there is a connection made. I get some more freedom. And maybe they can relate and not feel so alone with their own frustrated fears.
So fucking what if we don’t fit in with the circuit queens at the gay bars!
So what if we stumble over our words when we meet an attractive guy, because it fuels some insecurity.
They are no better. We are no worse.
We are just different!
Let’s take some of our unique qualities, cultivate them, and start sharing them, so that others out there know they aren’t alone.
I’m done punishing myself for being different.
This is our time.
Let’s celebrate it!
So, let me know what you’re doing to help yourself feel more comfortable, exactly the way you are. More importantly, what are you doing to help someone else?
One of my favorite movie quotes is from that 90’s teen film, “The Craft”.
When the four witches are getting off the city bus and the bus driver says to Fairuza Balk’s character, “You girls watch out for those weirdos!” She responds smugly, “We are the weirdos, mister.”
Me with my grandparents, Halloween…1985
photo-85

9 thoughts on “We Are The Weirdos, Mister!”

  1. Once again Nick I’m in awe of you. You continue to open up my mind to things that I not only seen in myself but things I have refused to admit to. I stopped hanging out with anyone that was gay because of my insecurities. All I have ever done is compare myself and try to conform to what the gay community wanted. But it got to the point where I was loosing who I was. So I removed myself from the community and have now being trying to find me. That was 5 years ago and I’m still discovering who I really am. So thank you again for your writing. xoxoxoxo

  2. Well Nick!
    Well heartfelt spoken! I thought I was the weird one, I thought that people would shun me for being different! But low and behold….I am not!
    This Burden which I carried for 30 years plus has been lifted! It’s the day I made a connection with you! Your writing has made me think about Me! Your writing has made be a stronger person daily. Society really sucks! They want you to conform to be one of them! I can be whomever I want to be, I can be Me!
    Yes! I am different for being A Gay Man! I am different from not conforming to society choice! I challenge myself daily to be who I am, who I want to be!
    So my friend…Keep writing.. And Thank You for being there for Me!

    Love Always to you.

    Your friend Always

    Anthony

  3. Your journey, Nick, is just that – your journey. Embrace the fact that it is different and celebrate the joy that can come from being unique and original. It is from this that you inspire others.

    May you, and everyone who identifies with the same issues, travel safely in life and find comfort in the knowledge that there are friends and strangers willing to support you – be it physically, emotionally, day to day or random acts of kindness.

    May you experience life in all its glory, learning as you go and finding that there is the possibility of more than one answer to any given question.

    May you reach your destination, embracing all that you have seen and will no doubt do with grace, strength of character and style.

    May you always know who you are, for it is by expressing your true self that you touch the lives of others. Respect and always believe in who you are. Give yourself peace of mind and let personal happiness be your reward.

    And may you never feel like you are being judged because of the choices that you make. The only thing you can be is true to yourself. Be courageous as you say to the world: THIS IS WHO I AM.

    Life is not easy. It does not offer a guarantee of perfection. However, it gives one simple directive – wait. In time it will offer itself freely to you to be unmasked. As the saying goes: those who wish to sing, always find a song.

    Sing loud and proud Nick, Quentin and Anthony.

    Regards,
    Kerry

    1. That’s really beautiful Kerry!
      “Those who wish to Sing, Will find A Song”
      Simple Words, but with heartfelt meanings!
      Just Beautiful!
      Xoxo

  4. Great words Kerry. You are just as insightful and inspiring as Nick. Guess I’m still trying to find that song to sing. One day!!

    1. Believe that you will find your song Quentin and find joy in your search. Every moment – be it good or bad – is a discovery. When your day to shine arrives may it be all that you desire and hope for.
      Respect to you.

      1. Kerry Ann! I sent out several thank you via Twitter, but I wanted to say thank you again for the lovely gifts. They warm my heart and remind me how much we are all connected. Thanks you for the fragrance, Million. it’s one of my favorites! xoxo

        1. Nick, you are truly welcome. I’ve only just noticed your lovely words today and without doubt you are a true-blue sweetheart. Old school that I am, I was raised to believe that manners are the measure of an individual and show a wealth of character that should be respected and reciprocated. Amongst men you are a diamond Nick, and long may you shine. Best of luck to you always and success for your 2015 website.

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