All We Are

Hey Everyone!

Happy Labor Day weekend.

I was going through some of my past writing, and this piece grabbed me today. All of my pieces are like my children. Little sparks of my soul. And this one was screaming to be heard today.

I believe as gay men, in 2014, we really need to focus on one another’s gifts. Celebrate our inner beauty. And support one another for all that we are.

This is, “All We Are”…

I was a tall, skinny, awkward gay child. I had ears that stuck out funny and a big, Italian nose. To say that I was bullied, harassed, and picked on while growing up would be an understatement.

I’ve struggled a good portion of my life, battling chemical dependency.
I also have a laundry list of other character defects that I deal with on a daily basis. It’s sad to think of how many years I wasted, beating myself up for some of this “stuff”.
Guilt, remorse, self blame.. Drowning in a sea of it all.
I seriously believed that I was uniquely insufficient as a man, because I had all these “issues”.
Self centeredness was really my problem.
I failed to see the big picture.
Sure…Some of my challenges may not parallel yours. But, here’s the big truth:
We are all dealing with “stuff”!
So, where do we go from here?
As gay men, I think we spend far too much time worrying about what the fuck is wrong with ourselves, instead of simply accepting what we have as the whole package.
Sure, there are things that I have going on right now that require immediate attention. Yep. I also possess some less than admirable qualities that need some refining.
But, I’m so done with separating myself into the “Bad Me” and the “Good Me”.
I wouldn’t be the man I am today if not for all of these qualities…”Good” and “Bad”
I also don’t think we’d be having so many personal conflicts with one another, as gay men, if we just accepted ourselves for all that we are.
True Story:
I usually go to war with someone who is pulling some shit that I’ve pulled in the past. Especially when it’s shit that I’ve not been willing to address or accept within myself.
What I’m getting at here is:
Can we truly forgive ourselves? Be proud of who we are as gay men? Can we learn to observe our character defects, and address them rationally, instead of hatefully?
I don’t know about you guys, but I didn’t get this emotionally “bent” overnight. It’s obviously gonna take some time to “straighten” out.

10 thoughts on “All We Are”

  1. What’s sad is I’m a 40 year old who still doesn’t like what I see when I look in the mirror. And I’m not just talking about my looks. I’m talking about the person I am. I wouldn’t even know what it is like to not only like who I am but to love myself. But I wish you all the best in fighting your demons!

      1. Wow you just made me cry. It’s been a very long time since anyone has said they believe in me! Thank you Nick. That means a lot!! I believe in you too. I will always say it that you inspire me. xoxo

  2. Nick, I have been inwardly fighting this for so many years! I think I gave lost count! I tell myself daily “I love Myself” but that’s what I tell the world, inside I fight with my demons! I am not worthy, nobody loves me! Words are wind when someone says it, but they certainly don’t show it! Words are wind! But if I may, I look forward daily on your words of comfort, how to better oneself, to love yourself, no matter what. “Good or Bad”! It’s only me that can control my thoughts, my feelings, my heart. No one else can do it! They can assist, but it only Me that “Can Do! So my friend thanks for allowing Me to share it with you! Xo

      1. Oh what a heartfelt thank you! Your feed back means the world to me! When I need your Love and Support you are always there for me! Thanks again, your Bud, and Friend Always! Anthony

  3. In life the hardest person you will ever learn to truly love is yourself. This love has nothing to do with ego or vanity, rather it refers to the pure love of acceptance for who we are at our core, the essence of our being, the fabric of our soul.

    Your words – Nick, Anthony and Quentin – all but broke my heart and my wish for you all – and everyone else who has ever felt the same – is simple.

    First and foremost be kind to yourselves. Afford yourself the luxury of imperfections and find beauty in the struggle. Embrace everything about yourself that is different, unique, challenging, left-of-centre and inherently you.

    Give yourself peace of mind. If you desire to change, you will – but don’t change for anyone other than yourself. Even if the world doesn’t give you everything that you desire, you have your journey and always remember that you are YOU for a reason. Be proud of that.

    Always hope that one day you will be seen for who you truly are and accepted without question, struggle, recrimination, rejection or self-doubt.

    And remember that if this luxury is given to you, be rich enough to share this belief with every stranger that you meet – be they gay, straight, young, old, beautiful, not-so-beautiful, male, female, wealthy or poor. Just as you accept yourself, accept others.

    The reflection in your mirror might not change drastically in one magic instant, but each random act or word of kindness will alter you. You will learn to smile at the image you see and find a measure of inner peace that will continue to grow and one day be the only thing that you see.

    Without hesitation I wish you all a great and memorable life.

    1. Kerry, that’s beautiful. Thank you for that. I’m sure one day I’ll get to that point. I’m working through it that’s for sure!! All the best to you.

      1. You’re welcome Nick.
        Your consideration and courteous nature speaks of a beautiful soul and brightens the lives of those who support you.
        Good luck with your ‘no cigs’ lifestyle decision. Without doubt your strength of character will see you through to success.
        Regards and support,
        Kerry

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