Happy Labor Day weekend.
I was going through some of my past writing, and this piece grabbed me today. All of my pieces are like my children. Little sparks of my soul. And this one was screaming to be heard today.
I believe as gay men, in 2014, we really need to focus on one another’s gifts. Celebrate our inner beauty. And support one another for all that we are.
This is, “All We Are”…
I was a tall, skinny, awkward gay child. I had ears that stuck out funny and a big, Italian nose. To say that I was bullied, harassed, and picked on while growing up would be an understatement.
I’ve struggled a good portion of my life, battling chemical dependency.
I also have a laundry list of other character defects that I deal with on a daily basis. It’s sad to think of how many years I wasted, beating myself up for some of this “stuff”.
Guilt, remorse, self blame.. Drowning in a sea of it all.
I seriously believed that I was uniquely insufficient as a man, because I had all these “issues”.
Self centeredness was really my problem.
I failed to see the big picture.
Sure…Some of my challenges may not parallel yours. But, here’s the big truth:
We are all dealing with “stuff”!
So, where do we go from here?
As gay men, I think we spend far too much time worrying about what the fuck is wrong with ourselves, instead of simply accepting what we have as the whole package.
Sure, there are things that I have going on right now that require immediate attention. Yep. I also possess some less than admirable qualities that need some refining.
But, I’m so done with separating myself into the “Bad Me” and the “Good Me”.
I wouldn’t be the man I am today if not for all of these qualities…”Good” and “Bad”
I also don’t think we’d be having so many personal conflicts with one another, as gay men, if we just accepted ourselves for all that we are.
I usually go to war with someone who is pulling some shit that I’ve pulled in the past. Especially when it’s shit that I’ve not been willing to address or accept within myself.
What I’m getting at here is:
Can we truly forgive ourselves? Be proud of who we are as gay men? Can we learn to observe our character defects, and address them rationally, instead of hatefully?
I don’t know about you guys, but I didn’t get this emotionally “bent” overnight. It’s obviously gonna take some time to “straighten” out.