I have had a crush on this guy for several years now. We work out at the same gym. We have a few friends in common. But, I never had the balls to talk to him. I would get all nervous and excited when I saw him. .  I would watch him at the gym and wonder what he would feel like underneath me. What his lips would feel like against mine. So handsome! Beautiful brown eyes, dark hair, tats up and down his arms. He's Italian. Beautiful body. So damn sexy! Finally we spoke. He asked me why I always ignored him in public places. I told him that I found him so attractive that I became nervous around him. He melted. I finally asked him out. I was so uncomfortable on that first date. I couldn't be authentic around him. I felt like I was too busy trying to play it cool. Trying to play a part that wasn't me. Can you relate? Do we all play a part when we are out with someone for the first time? For the first few months? Why? Is it because we are afraid that they wont like the real person hiding inside?
I explained to him that I was still nervous. That I was finding it difficult to be myself around him. It made it so much easier to tell the truth, rather than stay committed to this part that I was playing, just trying to impress him. We ended up hitting it off pretty well!
We have seen each other multiple times. I'm  beginning to feel a bit scared about getting hurt, but I'm gonna follow through, anyway.  
Things are changing so much in my life. Every day sober, I find out a little bit more about myself. I'm looking toward getting certified as a personal trainer in mid-March. That will change things for me drastically. It will be the first time in the last eight years that I will be getting a 'normal' job. I'm looking forward to being a normal person again. I will always have this part of my life, and the many adventures it has brought me. But, the truth of the matter is that is has been kind of lonely. So hard to be in a real relationship as a Porn Star. I want to be in a loving relationship. With myself. And definitely with another man! 
I've made it this far, so I know that if I keep moving forward, it can only get better.
Cheers to endurance!!
xxx
Nick